Highlights from the Summer of 2012

Taking a picture of the boys from the third floor

Sooooooooooo, June 22nd was the last entry...almost 3 months! Wow. Okay, let's catch up!

House sold (you knew that). Chandler went to Hawaii with Grandma and Grandpa.

Spencer went to Mimi and PaPa's.

July 4th parade with KBC. Spencer and I walked (Okay he rode on my shoulder's most of the way) with the float the entire parade.

Great friend, Farrah, came to stay with a friend in The Woodlands and we got to see each other for the first time in 10 years. Tex Mex celebration for all!

Chandler went to Frontier Camp for his final summer (too old next year...that was not easy. That alone deserves an entry as there was a lot of emotion for me that weekend when I picked him up.)

Garage sale!!

Lost my job. Yikes!

Packed for move to apartment.

Slab poured on new home!

Closed on sale of the house we had lived in for 13 years. (yes...definitely need to write about that...touching moments with both boys)

Moved into apartment.

Boys flew to Cali to see their mom. (gut wrenching for me, but good for the boys which is more important)

Unpacked in the apartment and put most things in their places and got an additional storage unit!

Met at Starbucks for an interview.

Drove to the Galleria for a different interview.

Picked up the boys from the airport. (missed them and it was just a week)

Sent out a resumes everyday and made a boat load of phone calls.

Almost went back to self-employment, but decided not to as we wouldn't get to keep the house.

Drove to the Galleria again for a second interview and then all the way across Houston for a different second interview (good day!).

Framers for house leave as they are offered more money to work at a different place, so we had a wall for almost two weeks on our slab and that was it (bad day).

Received an offer from a fantastic company that is allowing me to work from home two to three days a week! Accepted!!

Turned down an offer from another company.

Transferred Spencer to a different school due to the new home being zoned in a location not going to his previous elementary school.

Chandler finished drivers ed! Booked for drivers exam on October 18th.

Spencer meets his new teacher for first grade at new school.

Hotter than Hell 100 take three with my buddy Phil (knee didn't make it all 100 miles this year...gave at mile 85). Fitness was there, but knee wasn't. Still not the same.

First day of school!!!!!

First day at new job!!!!!

New framers show for house and build the frame in just a week!

Get together at Dad's for Labor Day was a great time.

Bought Chandler his first car!

Started new drama ministry at church with a successful first meeting at Terra's house. Wow...going to be a lot of fun.

Trip to Lafayette for work.

Kingwood Kickoff Carnival at church which benefited all three Kingwood area Middle Schools and FCA.

Going to take the plunge and write a book. No, I won't tell. ;)

Working from home today.

Okay, we're all caught up now. The busyness of the summer didn't leave a lot of time for writing as you can see. So, I am committing to write more. I will take some of these highlights and compose some entries from them. Some emotional times took place with a number of these and are definitely worth sharing. Funny moments as well.

I think overall the theme for this summer has been transition. I am living proof that there are Treasures in Transitions. God is good and the statement below keeps me going everyday.


My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!

A Home For Sale...A New Day Breaks the Dawn

I recently put my home up for sale. In doing this, I followed the guidance of my realtor and put new carpet, painted a couple of areas, tiled the second bath, power-washed the the house and driveway and hired a maid to clean it thoroughly. I listed it on a Monday. On Tuesday, there were two showings in which one was a return. Wednesday brought an offer. Thursday afternoon we countered their offer. I received an email on Friday morning that they had accepted the offer. The house looks like a model home thanks to the Medley's help!

We took a home that needed some TLC and brought it to a modern look and feel in two weeks! I don't like dwelling too much on the past. There is a good amount of pain here over the last two and half years. Abandonment is difficult to say the least especially with two boys ten years apart from each other. The  challenges are there and they are real. As that is a truth in my every day life, I am reminded by the gospel truth of one of my favorite movies, Chicken Little. "Today is a new day."

Today is a new day. The journey starts here today. New choices today. New direction comes from these choices today. With the sale of the home, we move to a new beginning soon. It is a beginning that the boys need and I definitely need.

Divorce is brutal. Add abandonment to the mix and it is truly like an atomic bomb going off in life. I have gone through counseling for a couple of years and have spoken to two other therapists with 30 plus years of experience. All three of them have said the same thing. We have experienced true PTSD emotionally. For those not knowing what that is...Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. No, the boys and I are not about to load up an arsenal and build our own little army and go postal. On the outside, we do really well. On the inside, for the most part now, we function just fine. All three of us experience moments that take us back in time. A time that changed forever in a flash. A moment when one second there was four of us and now...three.

Psychologists call them triggers. It could be a song, a scent, a picture, a place. It jogs the memory and all of a sudden depression, anxiety, stress, and all around loss comes down like a ton of bricks. I can see it on their faces when it hits them. I can sense it when it nails me. We used to have bad weeks and good moments. That transitioned to sad days and good days. As the healing process continues, we have sad moments now and for the most part, good days.

The house is changed, but it is the same house. It has the same memories. No matter how we change it to look different or up-to-date, it is still the same home. There is a direct correlation to ourselves. No matter how much healing we go through, it will not change our experiences. We will still have the scars. We will still have the memories. The triggers will still happen from time to time. This is normal according to all of the experts. Getting a new place will help with these triggers as we move forward. We will be out of the home where "it all happened".

The boys are psyched to have a new place later this year. I am as well. A new beginning. A new place. New memories. New hope. New...well, everything. God is good. Today is a new day. Thank you, Lord. Oh...and thanks, Chicken Little.






My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!

The Over-Comer - Two Great Victories - A Humbled and Motivated Dad

One thing rings true as a single dad raising two boys almost ten years apart in age...when a victory arrives, it can be both humbling and motivating at the same time. This fact came to fruition just a couple of weeks ago when Chandler came home with a rather beaming smile upon his mug.

"Dad! I made varsity theater for my junior year! And...(he pauses)...are you ready for this?"

"Sure, Champ (I have called him Champ since his T-Ball days at the Y when he was a spry 5 years old)!"

"I also have all A's and B's!"

The same smile ran across my face as I knew how much work, study, and preparation he put into his grades and the monologue for varsity auditions. The theater teacher told him after he finished to speak with him. They talked about grades. Chandler communicated his commitment level and then the teacher looked at him and said, "Chandler, you did fantastic." At that, my son was completely thrilled, pumped, and motivated even more to keep his grades at the level he had raised them to currently. Two more weeks have passed and his grades now stand at all A's and two B's. Amazing. Simply amazing. Not that his grades have climbed to this level, but that they have elevated to this height in the midst of the past 2 1/2 years.

A wonderful friend of mine whom I respect and love, Curt, told me that Chandler is an over-comer. I have never thought of him this way, but now, I can not agree more. Proud? Yes. Humbled? Definitely.

These victories fuel motivation both in him and, believe or not, me as a dad. The victories communicate that things really do get better over time.

Let's face it, as a single parent, it is a challenge to say the least to balance kids, a clean home (yep - I fail here miserably!), laundry, yard, career, making meals, grocery shopping, helping with homework, teacher conferences, school activities, sports activities, church activities, dishes, etc etc etc.So, when my son has some victories like this, it motivates me as a dad to keep moving forward day by day by day. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Sometimes, it is all a person can do and that is okay I am learning. God just wants us to trust Him one moment at a time. His grace is sufficient. He leads us to victory. He humbles us with that victory and motivates us to keep going. Easy victories don't come with the satisfaction that the difficult victories bring where we sweat it out and struggle to get across the finish line stretching ourselves for the tape. We have to be as Curt so elegantly put it, over-comers.

Chandler is doing this and it is exciting to watch. Over-comer? You bet.


My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!

Kites and Wiffleball - What else can bring Joy on a blustery day?

Certain experiences are important in a growing boys life. Playing in sprinklers, riding bikes, getting dirty, climbing trees are just three. I think back to Tom and Huck fishing with a cane pole or my cousin Scott and I climbing my grandparent's trees especially the one in the front yard that we ascended all the way to the top one day and were both almost too frightened to come back down!

Kite flying. Yes, we don't see this much anymore. Little boys taking to the skies with their beloved kite to master the winds above them and tame that triangular shaped piece of flimsy plastic with quite the thin string. Spencer and I made our journey to the Bear Branch Elementary field where the wind swirled on this rare occasion in Kingwood. It doesn't happen often so we took advantage.

This B-1 Stealth Bomber shaped kite was about to make its debut in the skies over the Liveable Forest. I gave the string to Spinner and instructed him to run when tossed the "plane" up into the air. It didn't take much. Up it went. The wind howled. The sand flew behind the rocketing feet of my six year old as he giggled and bestowed his successful first flight. A gust of wind followed sending the bomber into a loop and tumbling to its initial crash into the turf. As we recovered our craft, up to the sky it went with another lift into the air. This time I was at the helm and the string was let out at a lightening pace. Almost like afterburners, it flapped violently way up in the sky almost out of sight it seemed. I gave Spencer the string holder to navigate. He held on tight as it darted back and forth in the blustery gales above the pine trees.

He laughed. I smiled. I took a couple of pictures and a quick video. Great memory. He had a blast. After about 30 minutes of piolting our flying $3.99 kite from the Easter Bunny, we went on to our next event, his soccer game at the Y.

Later that evening, Chandler has invited over a few of his friends, ten of them, for his belated 16th birthday get together. My highlight of the evening came when they strolled outside to the court facing our home. Following the National Anthem and the proverbial first pitch, Wiffleball was underway. I was transported to 10 years ago playing baseball with a much younger Chandler in that same court. I watched as these teenage boys played like they were 6, 8 or 10 years old again. They pitched, hit, ran, taunted, and were little boys again. I took some more pics and a quick video as well.

What can I say? I love being a dad. I truly enjoy watching my sons have fun and enjoy life, their friends, hearing them laugh, and making the most out of this chapter in our lives. It is a time I hope to never forget and when I get down, all I have to do is look at these pictures or watch these videos. God brings me back to place of joy.


My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!

Bluebonnets, Memories...Old and New

When God created bluebonnets, He had to be thinking of Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas as they say. The bluebonnet? The biggest beauty of wildflowers in my book.

The bluebonnets are not only the Texas state flower, but in this family, a tradition. It might not be a yearly addition in the Cahill Crew, but we try to make it a special run as often as possible. It has been a few years. The last time we motored up 290 toward Hempstead and Brenham was three years ago.

Yes...another first. The concern, to be completely honest, mounted in my mind for my oldest. A lot of memories in the head from past trips not only three years ago, but many others throughout the years. Both boys really wanted to take a drive to a field of these beautiful wild flowers, take Savannah (Chandler's very sweet girlfriend) and shoot some lasting pictures. I obliged of course.

Back up a second though. Saturday evening. Bed time. Putting the little guy to bed, I finished reading to him and Spencer wanted to talk about the bluebonnets. My mouth literally fell open over the next few moments.

"Daddy, do you remember when we went to the bluebonnets?" Spencer asked.

"Uhh...sure." I said, not knowing that he actually remembered three years prior when he was a sprite 3 years old.

"We all went, daddy. You, me, Chandler and mommy." He said.

I nodded and said, "Yes, buddy. I remember that day. Do you remember that day too?"

"Uh huh. That was a great day. We all had a lot of fun."

"Yes. We did. That is a great memory, buddy."

And then out of nowhere came this...

"Is mommy ever coming home?" Spencer asked. Yes. You read that correctly.

It has been two and a half years. My mouth fell open. My heart sank to my shoes. I did the best I could do as this took me by total surprise.

"Buddy, mommy isn't coming home. She has a new home with a new person. It is you and me and Chandler now. You still get to see mommy and talk to her, but she is not coming home. She still loves you, buddy."

The lip quivered. The tears ran. He reached up for me. I grabbed him and he wept for 5 solid minutes in my arms. I just held the little guy. I told him that I loved him and that I was here for him and that his brother was here as well. I thought about cancelling the trip to the bluebonnets that was slated for the next day after church. I was angry. I was hurt. Emotions flooded my mind, my heart, my soul...all for this little innocent 6 year old with a memory. More than one memory. Good memories. Scary memories. Emotion filled memories.

Where to go from here?

After he settled down, I prayed over him God's blessing and to touch his heart and bring him joy and happiness. He asked if we could pray for mommy. I told him we could and we prayed for God to bless her as well. I asked him if he still wanted to go after church the next day and he said that he really did, but wanted to bring some of his buddies (stuffed animals). I told him that that would be great and that they would probably love the bluebonnets too!

I kissed him on his forehead, turned out the light, and walked out of the his room.

After church the next day, we picked up Savannah and journeyed west out 290 to find a field of bluebonnets. We didn't even have to get to Hempstead before we came upon one the largest fields of bluebonnets I have ever seen. We pulled over and scampered through these beautiful wild flowers. As I snapped pictures of the boys, of Chandler and Savannah, and of Spencer and his "buddies", I thought how much this memory would etch into their minds as well. We laughed. We ran. We basked in God's glorious creation.

I stopped and looked out over the field, thought back, fought back a tear and then looked at the boys. My two sons. Happy. Chandler with his girlfriend being silly running through the bluebonnets hand in hand...giggling. Spencer laying down in the flowers looking up at the sky with his Hot Wheels sunglasses and "buddies". A new memory. Another new beginning. This is good.

Abandonment is brutal. It has such a lasting effect. The research out there states that most kids will be impacted for the rest of their lives even if the abandonment happened when they were quite young as in Spencer's case. Saturday night's question and breakdown proved that to me even more as he summoned up a memory from three years ago. Who would have ever guessed he would remember something from when he was three? Truly amazing. That day obviously had a large impact on him and served as a positive memory for him.

We all built new memories that day. All of them positive. All lasting. All fun. All with smiles. The lasting impact of abandonment and divorce might be scarring, but who says we can't build great lasting positive memories that can hopefully overshadow some of that pain? God is all about joy. He is all about fullness. And as my good friend Chad so famously states, "God is bigger." He is, Chad.

Bigger field of wildflowers. Bigger smiles that day. Bigger laughs. New Bigger Memories. God is Bigger.



My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!