New School Year...etc.

The alarm just buzzed. This fires the bells in my head that my sleep allotment is now over and time to rise and shine to another year of school for the boys. Chandler starts his Sophomore year and little Spinner starts the journey of learning as a kindergartner! I still remember Chandler being that age and now he stares down the tunnel of only three years left before heading off to "higher" education. Chandler will have just turned 28 when Spencer finishes his high school studies. Who knows? I might be a grandfather by that time! Yikes!!

In the meantime, I get to handle a difficult situation. Spencer's reluctance to let go. The attachment issue is not only big, but emotionally taxing. I love my little buddy. What a gift from God both of my sons are to me. I would do anything and sacrifice anything for them. I hurt when they hurt. I feel their pain. Each time visitation ends, Spencer takes a few steps back from the leaps forward he has taken over the months between visits with his mom. He has good days and rough days. The rough days are peppered with the inability to let me go. He wants me to "stay and work from home" or "work from school" or "go with me to work", etc etc etc. The attachment issue is dug deep from the abandonment. This issue will continue throughout his life and the only thing that can be done is to somehow learn coping strategies as he matures. My only prayer at this point is that God will fill that void, that fear of abandonment, that attachment, that loss. I still cry at night from time to time. Not because of the what happened to me, but because of the loss to my children. They lost a mom. Sure, she thinks she is still their mommy. And genealogically and legally speaking she certainly is, but not emotionally. The relationship will never be how God intended it to be for mommy to child. That role was sacrificed when sin and selfishness entered the picture.

The journey will continue. It will have bumps and bruises emotionally. The scars will remain throughout life. For now, we live one day at a time. For now, God's grace continues to be more than sufficient. He is our refuge. He is the shade on our hand and our lives.

My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!