Valentines. Yep. It has arrived yet again. Chandler, Spencer and I walked through HEB buying some assorted grocery needs and the reminders of the day approaching lurked around every corner. Balloons, chocolate covered strawberries of all shapes and sizes, flowers of every color, cards with pink and red highlights and hearts printed with romantic sayings, etc etc etc. Finally, a man making the strawberries asked me to get one "for that special lady in my life". Well, considering, there isn't a "special" lady anymore, I passed but talked Chandler into purchasing one for his girlfriend. Good choice. She'll like it for sure.
Later, Chandler looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, dad."
He knows. I can hide it with the best of them, but there are days I get caught off guard. Reminders come up. Thoughts come in my head. Failure. Relationship failure especially can be extremely difficult to not only "get over", but the lingering effects gnaw at the insides of a person and have the ability to literally chew us up and spit us out. These emotional scars heal I have been told, but scars stay.
I have had four reconstructive knee surgeries. The scars still exist. If you would like a Lionel Train can take a journey on my knees. The parallels are there as well. Both have side effects. Both keep us from being 100%. Both keep us making careful decisions or second guessing careless ones. Both definitely have ongoing issues that come up when we least expect and can catch us off guard. Both can bring pain that illicit tears.
So, Valentines Day. It is a great holiday. I have good memories. I also made some new ones yesterday as Spencer and I made up all of his Valentine's for his class this week. Cars Valentines with a caramel Hershey's kiss taped to them. We also constructed a Valentine's box with pictures of Snoopy and Mickey Mouse taped to it for the one's he will receive.
God is still good and He is still on His throne. A good friend told me this past year that peace is worth fighting for and that is something I am holding onto as a truth. It is one of my goals this year. Peace in my life in the midst of the last two years. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. He gives the peace that passes all understanding.
I sang today in my car on the way to work. I haven't done that in a long time. I belted out Mark Schultz song "He Is". What a wonderful truth. God's Valentine to me. I am blessed. In the midst of turbulence, my plane still flies and is on coarse for where He is taking me.
Thank you for the Valentine this morning, Lord and for the memories with my boys this weekend. Chandler and Spencer. Wow...what better Valentine could I get?
My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!
What a great (and touching) post, Mike. You are loved in so many different ways, by different people you probably don't think about very often...but you've just mentioned the very "cream of the crop" in this post. At the same time, you've brought some perspective to some of us that didn't even consider needing this Valentines reminder.
ReplyDeleteRobyn - You are very gracious with your words. Thank you so much for being such a great friend. What you said above means a lot to me.
DeleteI love you sweet brother. I love what your friend said. Peace is worth fighting for. People say, well after all this God must have something big planned for you. Raising those boys with that special way you have, building memories, getting that special view of parenthood that you have as a single parent (appreciating every moment). That's big. I know God has more incredible things planned for your life that he had to prepare you for. Your faith, perseverance, smile, dedication to C and S, and sense of humor are an example to us all through hardship. Funny, the "big" sis, looks up to her "little" brother. Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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