A Home For Sale...A New Day Breaks the Dawn

I recently put my home up for sale. In doing this, I followed the guidance of my realtor and put new carpet, painted a couple of areas, tiled the second bath, power-washed the the house and driveway and hired a maid to clean it thoroughly. I listed it on a Monday. On Tuesday, there were two showings in which one was a return. Wednesday brought an offer. Thursday afternoon we countered their offer. I received an email on Friday morning that they had accepted the offer. The house looks like a model home thanks to the Medley's help!

We took a home that needed some TLC and brought it to a modern look and feel in two weeks! I don't like dwelling too much on the past. There is a good amount of pain here over the last two and half years. Abandonment is difficult to say the least especially with two boys ten years apart from each other. The  challenges are there and they are real. As that is a truth in my every day life, I am reminded by the gospel truth of one of my favorite movies, Chicken Little. "Today is a new day."

Today is a new day. The journey starts here today. New choices today. New direction comes from these choices today. With the sale of the home, we move to a new beginning soon. It is a beginning that the boys need and I definitely need.

Divorce is brutal. Add abandonment to the mix and it is truly like an atomic bomb going off in life. I have gone through counseling for a couple of years and have spoken to two other therapists with 30 plus years of experience. All three of them have said the same thing. We have experienced true PTSD emotionally. For those not knowing what that is...Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. No, the boys and I are not about to load up an arsenal and build our own little army and go postal. On the outside, we do really well. On the inside, for the most part now, we function just fine. All three of us experience moments that take us back in time. A time that changed forever in a flash. A moment when one second there was four of us and now...three.

Psychologists call them triggers. It could be a song, a scent, a picture, a place. It jogs the memory and all of a sudden depression, anxiety, stress, and all around loss comes down like a ton of bricks. I can see it on their faces when it hits them. I can sense it when it nails me. We used to have bad weeks and good moments. That transitioned to sad days and good days. As the healing process continues, we have sad moments now and for the most part, good days.

The house is changed, but it is the same house. It has the same memories. No matter how we change it to look different or up-to-date, it is still the same home. There is a direct correlation to ourselves. No matter how much healing we go through, it will not change our experiences. We will still have the scars. We will still have the memories. The triggers will still happen from time to time. This is normal according to all of the experts. Getting a new place will help with these triggers as we move forward. We will be out of the home where "it all happened".

The boys are psyched to have a new place later this year. I am as well. A new beginning. A new place. New memories. New hope. New...well, everything. God is good. Today is a new day. Thank you, Lord. Oh...and thanks, Chicken Little.






My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!

The Over-Comer - Two Great Victories - A Humbled and Motivated Dad

One thing rings true as a single dad raising two boys almost ten years apart in age...when a victory arrives, it can be both humbling and motivating at the same time. This fact came to fruition just a couple of weeks ago when Chandler came home with a rather beaming smile upon his mug.

"Dad! I made varsity theater for my junior year! And...(he pauses)...are you ready for this?"

"Sure, Champ (I have called him Champ since his T-Ball days at the Y when he was a spry 5 years old)!"

"I also have all A's and B's!"

The same smile ran across my face as I knew how much work, study, and preparation he put into his grades and the monologue for varsity auditions. The theater teacher told him after he finished to speak with him. They talked about grades. Chandler communicated his commitment level and then the teacher looked at him and said, "Chandler, you did fantastic." At that, my son was completely thrilled, pumped, and motivated even more to keep his grades at the level he had raised them to currently. Two more weeks have passed and his grades now stand at all A's and two B's. Amazing. Simply amazing. Not that his grades have climbed to this level, but that they have elevated to this height in the midst of the past 2 1/2 years.

A wonderful friend of mine whom I respect and love, Curt, told me that Chandler is an over-comer. I have never thought of him this way, but now, I can not agree more. Proud? Yes. Humbled? Definitely.

These victories fuel motivation both in him and, believe or not, me as a dad. The victories communicate that things really do get better over time.

Let's face it, as a single parent, it is a challenge to say the least to balance kids, a clean home (yep - I fail here miserably!), laundry, yard, career, making meals, grocery shopping, helping with homework, teacher conferences, school activities, sports activities, church activities, dishes, etc etc etc.So, when my son has some victories like this, it motivates me as a dad to keep moving forward day by day by day. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Sometimes, it is all a person can do and that is okay I am learning. God just wants us to trust Him one moment at a time. His grace is sufficient. He leads us to victory. He humbles us with that victory and motivates us to keep going. Easy victories don't come with the satisfaction that the difficult victories bring where we sweat it out and struggle to get across the finish line stretching ourselves for the tape. We have to be as Curt so elegantly put it, over-comers.

Chandler is doing this and it is exciting to watch. Over-comer? You bet.


My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!

Kites and Wiffleball - What else can bring Joy on a blustery day?

Certain experiences are important in a growing boys life. Playing in sprinklers, riding bikes, getting dirty, climbing trees are just three. I think back to Tom and Huck fishing with a cane pole or my cousin Scott and I climbing my grandparent's trees especially the one in the front yard that we ascended all the way to the top one day and were both almost too frightened to come back down!

Kite flying. Yes, we don't see this much anymore. Little boys taking to the skies with their beloved kite to master the winds above them and tame that triangular shaped piece of flimsy plastic with quite the thin string. Spencer and I made our journey to the Bear Branch Elementary field where the wind swirled on this rare occasion in Kingwood. It doesn't happen often so we took advantage.

This B-1 Stealth Bomber shaped kite was about to make its debut in the skies over the Liveable Forest. I gave the string to Spinner and instructed him to run when tossed the "plane" up into the air. It didn't take much. Up it went. The wind howled. The sand flew behind the rocketing feet of my six year old as he giggled and bestowed his successful first flight. A gust of wind followed sending the bomber into a loop and tumbling to its initial crash into the turf. As we recovered our craft, up to the sky it went with another lift into the air. This time I was at the helm and the string was let out at a lightening pace. Almost like afterburners, it flapped violently way up in the sky almost out of sight it seemed. I gave Spencer the string holder to navigate. He held on tight as it darted back and forth in the blustery gales above the pine trees.

He laughed. I smiled. I took a couple of pictures and a quick video. Great memory. He had a blast. After about 30 minutes of piolting our flying $3.99 kite from the Easter Bunny, we went on to our next event, his soccer game at the Y.

Later that evening, Chandler has invited over a few of his friends, ten of them, for his belated 16th birthday get together. My highlight of the evening came when they strolled outside to the court facing our home. Following the National Anthem and the proverbial first pitch, Wiffleball was underway. I was transported to 10 years ago playing baseball with a much younger Chandler in that same court. I watched as these teenage boys played like they were 6, 8 or 10 years old again. They pitched, hit, ran, taunted, and were little boys again. I took some more pics and a quick video as well.

What can I say? I love being a dad. I truly enjoy watching my sons have fun and enjoy life, their friends, hearing them laugh, and making the most out of this chapter in our lives. It is a time I hope to never forget and when I get down, all I have to do is look at these pictures or watch these videos. God brings me back to place of joy.


My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!

Bluebonnets, Memories...Old and New

When God created bluebonnets, He had to be thinking of Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas as they say. The bluebonnet? The biggest beauty of wildflowers in my book.

The bluebonnets are not only the Texas state flower, but in this family, a tradition. It might not be a yearly addition in the Cahill Crew, but we try to make it a special run as often as possible. It has been a few years. The last time we motored up 290 toward Hempstead and Brenham was three years ago.

Yes...another first. The concern, to be completely honest, mounted in my mind for my oldest. A lot of memories in the head from past trips not only three years ago, but many others throughout the years. Both boys really wanted to take a drive to a field of these beautiful wild flowers, take Savannah (Chandler's very sweet girlfriend) and shoot some lasting pictures. I obliged of course.

Back up a second though. Saturday evening. Bed time. Putting the little guy to bed, I finished reading to him and Spencer wanted to talk about the bluebonnets. My mouth literally fell open over the next few moments.

"Daddy, do you remember when we went to the bluebonnets?" Spencer asked.

"Uhh...sure." I said, not knowing that he actually remembered three years prior when he was a sprite 3 years old.

"We all went, daddy. You, me, Chandler and mommy." He said.

I nodded and said, "Yes, buddy. I remember that day. Do you remember that day too?"

"Uh huh. That was a great day. We all had a lot of fun."

"Yes. We did. That is a great memory, buddy."

And then out of nowhere came this...

"Is mommy ever coming home?" Spencer asked. Yes. You read that correctly.

It has been two and a half years. My mouth fell open. My heart sank to my shoes. I did the best I could do as this took me by total surprise.

"Buddy, mommy isn't coming home. She has a new home with a new person. It is you and me and Chandler now. You still get to see mommy and talk to her, but she is not coming home. She still loves you, buddy."

The lip quivered. The tears ran. He reached up for me. I grabbed him and he wept for 5 solid minutes in my arms. I just held the little guy. I told him that I loved him and that I was here for him and that his brother was here as well. I thought about cancelling the trip to the bluebonnets that was slated for the next day after church. I was angry. I was hurt. Emotions flooded my mind, my heart, my soul...all for this little innocent 6 year old with a memory. More than one memory. Good memories. Scary memories. Emotion filled memories.

Where to go from here?

After he settled down, I prayed over him God's blessing and to touch his heart and bring him joy and happiness. He asked if we could pray for mommy. I told him we could and we prayed for God to bless her as well. I asked him if he still wanted to go after church the next day and he said that he really did, but wanted to bring some of his buddies (stuffed animals). I told him that that would be great and that they would probably love the bluebonnets too!

I kissed him on his forehead, turned out the light, and walked out of the his room.

After church the next day, we picked up Savannah and journeyed west out 290 to find a field of bluebonnets. We didn't even have to get to Hempstead before we came upon one the largest fields of bluebonnets I have ever seen. We pulled over and scampered through these beautiful wild flowers. As I snapped pictures of the boys, of Chandler and Savannah, and of Spencer and his "buddies", I thought how much this memory would etch into their minds as well. We laughed. We ran. We basked in God's glorious creation.

I stopped and looked out over the field, thought back, fought back a tear and then looked at the boys. My two sons. Happy. Chandler with his girlfriend being silly running through the bluebonnets hand in hand...giggling. Spencer laying down in the flowers looking up at the sky with his Hot Wheels sunglasses and "buddies". A new memory. Another new beginning. This is good.

Abandonment is brutal. It has such a lasting effect. The research out there states that most kids will be impacted for the rest of their lives even if the abandonment happened when they were quite young as in Spencer's case. Saturday night's question and breakdown proved that to me even more as he summoned up a memory from three years ago. Who would have ever guessed he would remember something from when he was three? Truly amazing. That day obviously had a large impact on him and served as a positive memory for him.

We all built new memories that day. All of them positive. All lasting. All fun. All with smiles. The lasting impact of abandonment and divorce might be scarring, but who says we can't build great lasting positive memories that can hopefully overshadow some of that pain? God is all about joy. He is all about fullness. And as my good friend Chad so famously states, "God is bigger." He is, Chad.

Bigger field of wildflowers. Bigger smiles that day. Bigger laughs. New Bigger Memories. God is Bigger.



My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!

The Wisdom of Ferris Bueller

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Ferris' words have more than a ring of truth to them. I feel as if I blinked or forgot to "look around once in a while". A few for instances:

Dad

Dad playing a number game with Spencer last weekend

My father turns 71 at the end of the month. I still remember him playing catch with me as a little boy. How my sister and I ran into his arms as my sister and I yelled "DADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" when he would walk in from work at night. I still have strong memories of crawling in bed on Sunday mornings with my sis and he would read the funnies to us. I don't remember the funnies. I remember him reading to us. I now know as a dad that he looked forward to that more than we probably did. I never viewed him as "young" in those days. He was dad. And yes, in my eyes, he was...ahem...old. Now here I sit typing this out on my computer and am older than he was when he read the funnies to Vickie and I while my mom smiled in the doorway with her warm cup of joe. I am glad I looked around and didn't miss that one. Yes, dad will be 71, but his heart is still that of the daddy when we played catch, jumped into his arms and listened to his baritone voice read Snoopy to us...morning breath and all. All that mattered was that he made those times special. Thanks, dad.

Chandler

Chandler driving dad's Denali on Sunday

Warp speed has entered the Cahill household. Now coming in for a crash landing (I use that language loosely of course and pray for that not to be in the literal sense) ...Chandler's 16th birthday on March 27th. Really? Wait. No. This has to be wrong. I can honestly say that this must be some sort of mix up as I could have sworn I just experienced seeing him hit a home run in Tee Ball, twirl a Bo Staff in Tae Kwon Do, draw a masterpiece in Art at school which rests on the fridge held up by a magnet that he made in kindergarten, and numerous other acts that have carved themselves into my memory as he has grown. He really does turn 16. He received his permit last week and drives every moment the chance arises. Chandler grows each day and I don't believe I could be more proud. I have never seen such a good big brother, son, friend, etc. He has a strong moral compass, a heart for God, and a passion for drums. I look forward to more "looks" from the philosophy of Ferris.

Spencer

Spencer at Deerbrook Mall this week

Still so young. What future lies in front of him? What will he like? What will be his passion? Where will his heart carry him? I have already blinked as I still cannot believe he is already in Kindergarten and in October will turn 7 years old. That is only two years younger than Chandler, 9, when he was born! Unbelievable. Pretending is the order of the day now and it brings all sorts of memories with it as well. The creativity of a little boy. Is there anything else like it? I think not. This week we have been cowboys, teachers, and race car drivers. In the past, cars have blown up, races won, lost, bad guys arrested and brought in for questioning, and the list goes on and on. The list will continue to grow as well. I still remember Chandler at this age. Thanks, Ferris. The more "looking around" at this age the better.

I believe the earth turns quicker on its axis nowadays. It must. These days move too quickly. Where is the sloooowww down button (insert the sound of an album played on 16 rpm here)?

For now, I soak up as many memories as possible. Take as many pictures as I can. Shoot as much video as I have room on a hard drive. Looking back at all of these memories will bring joy, smiles and dreams coming true.

When the credits roll to the end, I just hope Ferris doesn't ask why I am still here and I need to go home now. 

My grace is sufficient for you...One Day At A Time!